Amazon Elders' Book of Wisdom

Picture by Luis Royo


  These pearls of wisdom have been collected from the elders of Merland. Heed them well!
  • Never accept food in any form from a place that also sells bait.
  • Always leave the party before it's time to pay the piper.
  • Never trust a smiling parking attendant who says, "Sure, I can drive a stick."
  • Never trust anyone who goes around looking for secret symbols in children's television shows.
  • Never eat in a restaurant if you see someone barfing in the parking lot.
  • Never try to kick a bee in the ass, they don't like it.  
  • Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  But do it first and then you've always got the moral high ground.
  • Never stay in a foxhole with someone braver than yourself.
  • Never cook bacon in the nude.
  • Always be sensitive to the early warning signs of burnout.  These include: irritability, loss of appetite, boredom, and of course, lots and lots of dead guys all over the place.
  • Spend all you have.  Sleep all you want.
  • Don't judge people by their relatives.
  • Trust in the gods, but lock your car.
  • Learn the rules, then break some.
  • Never grow too old to play or too serious to laugh at yourself.
  • A balanced diet consists of a cookie in each hand.
  • Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  • A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
  • For those in touch with it, reality is the leading cause of stress.
  • Just remember there's many a good tune played on an old fiddle.
  • Remember that gravity is your enemy and estrogen is your friend.
  • Always be careful what you wish for because you just may get it.
  • Do no harm.
  • Projects always take three times longer than you think they will.
  • Know yourself, stand up for yourself, follow your heart.
  • Every aspect of life has its opposite. We are all dark and light. Embrace them both.
  • Choose your own path--there are always choices.
  • Everything in life is there to be learned from. Learn from everything and everyone and never stop growing.
  • Life is short. 
  • We learn from our mistakes. The wisest people are often chronic screwups.
  • Don't believe everything you hear. 
  • The strongest power in the universe is love. When you are angry and ready to scream at someone, think--Is this leading where I want to go? Am I remembering love? Then do the right thing.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
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